So I’m pregnant. Surprise! It’s all very weird, exciting, and overwhelming.
My baby boy (yup, it’s a boy) is due in May and these last few months have been a wild ride. I have so much to say about pregnancy and have kept a slew of notes on my phone that have become a venting mini stream of consciousness. That said, I can promise you three things when I talk about my pregnancy.
This will not turn into a mommy blog. But I will continue to share my pregnancy and how it’s impacting my mental health.
There will be no fearmongering. I’m here for all the unsolicited baby advice unless you’re trying to freak me out.
I hate being pregnant. So, if you’re hoping I’ll wax poetically about how connected I am to what I find very abstract, you’ve come to the wrong place.
It’s been a long time since I’ve shared a stream of consciousness about my body. During this particular time, I’ve realized I have so much to say, but I’m also at a loss for words because I feel so out of control. My hope is to find some common ground with all of you because pregnancy can feel incredibly isolating, even if you have the most amazing support system (which I do).
Today, I’m going to share some of the thoughts I had in my first trimester and if you connect with any, please share!
Stream of Consciousness Take 1: Pregnancy Edition
I know I’m pregnant, but the idea that the end result is a child hasn’t really hit. I think I’m so in my head about having so little energy and how upsetting that is has overshadowed, well, everything. I’m tired of not feeling like me and I’m scared that it’s the only thing I’ll be able to focus on.
Should I feel excited right now? I’m 7 weeks pregnant and excited is not how I would describe this feeling.
Why does the first trimester of pregnancy feel like Groundhog Day? I wake up feeling nauseous every morning. When it hits 3 pm, I get a little relief. I’m exhausted, but I can finally look at my computer and work out. The rest of the night, the exhaustion persists, yet the anxiety floats away as the nausea starts to leave my body. I go to bed, hoping I can keep this up. But the next morning comes around and I’m back where I started.
Nobody tells you that when you get pregnant, it’s all you think about. Is that supposed to be common sense?
This past weekend was the first time I wore something that showcased my bump. It was terrifying.
Lately, when I’ve gone out, even just to dinner with friends, my anxiety and depression kick into high gear. I’m uncomfortable in my body, even though I know I’m creating a life (so weird to put it in those terms). It was the annual 15 Percent Pledge Gala, which I’ve attended for the last three years and I’m so glad I went, so I figured I’d break down the beauty look because it was so good.
Makeup by the talented Ashley Cornett:
FACE: Monika Blunder Beauty Blunder Cover, Westman Atelier Super Loaded Drops, Westman Atelier Super Loaded Highlight
EYES: Westman Atelier Eye Want You Mascara, Pat McGrath Mothership X Eyeshadow Palette: Moonlit Seduction
LIPS: Pat McGrath Permagel Ultra Lip Pencil in Nude Venus, Pat McGrath MatteTrance Lipstick in Nude Venus, Ami Cole Lip Treatment Oil mixed “Smitten” and “Excellence”
Hair by my talented best friend Matt Newman:
PREP: Bumble and Bumble Hairdresser’s Invisible Oil/UV Heat Protective Primer, Amika Perk Up Dry Shampoo
TOOLS: Dyson Supersonic Hair Dryer, Hot Tools Marcel 1.25 Inch Barrel Curling Iron
FINISHERS: Tresemme Ultra Fine Hairspray
***If you make a purchase through some of these links, I might earn commission, so thank you!
What a lovely surprise!