No. 110: The Strange Anxiety Symptom I Didn’t Recognize

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I don’t know when this first took shape, but it’s been longer than a decade that I’ve been clearing my throat obsessively. The initial feeling is that I need to swallow to clear something out. But then it becomes a tick, one that can last as short as 60 seconds or as long as 60 minutes. TMI, it’s flemmy, I make a less-than-attractive sound, and I get anxious because I can’t seem to stop.

For years, my sister told me to get it checked out, so annoyed that the repetition made her want to scream (still does). My mom, too, tried to convince me to see a doctor. However, after numerous attempts to resolve the unknown issue (I’ve consulted my general practitioner, a nutritionist, an herbalist, a functional medicine doctor, and possibly more experts I’ve forgotten), no one could provide a clear diagnosis.

It wasn’t until two or three years ago that I brought it up with my therapist, who rightfully said, let’s finally figure this out. She started to hear the throat clearing in our sessions and realized a pattern: when I’m anxious or overwhelmed, it kicks in.

The throat clearing oscillates. This month, I’ve experienced less of it, but last month, it was on heavy rotation while weaning off breastfeeding and my son getting sick twice alongside my husband and I. Then the cycle perpetuates itself, and because I’m sick, I can’t workout, and when I can’t workout, my anxiety is heightened. I feel out of control and my workout is the one thing that makes me feel in control of my emotions and my body. It’s not always the most healthy relationship, but it helps me manage my spiraling thoughts.

Clearing my throat has become so deeply ingrained in my psyche that it’s become a personality trait, one I’d prefer to eliminate. It irritates my throat, puts strain on my body, and makes me feel deep shame around the noises that come out of my mouth.

Now that I’ve fully divulged this strange bodily function, I’m here to say that anxiety is a fucking wild thing because it can manifest without you knowing it could be a form of anxiety. It took me almost a decade to even admit that my throat clearing was a problem. Now that I’m aware it’s anxiety, I feel a sense of relief, but I still actively despise how it shows up unannounced.

I talk about things that haunt me because it’s a rarity when people do. And to be completely honest, few folks engage, and I want to know if that’s because what I say doesn’t resonate or if they are quietly nodding their heads. Both have their place, but I’m here to say that if it does resonate, that is, say it or type it out loud. Like it, react to it, emoji it. Let the person (me included!) know they are seen, whether it’s deeply personal for you or not.

As I’m actively working through my anxiety, I’ve found a few things that help me get out of my head, spiral less, and slow down this dumb throat clearing. And no, I’m not going to tell you to meditate or do breathwork or even journal. While all those things are great, I don’t like doing them!

Bach Rescue Pastilles: My psychiatrist, who does not practice holistic medicine, happened to recommend these to me. They are 100% placebo, but the sucking motion helps take my mind off the anxiety and focus on something else. Listen, a placebo effect can be controversial, but it can also be incredibly helpful.

And Repeat AndFocus: I’m going to hype up the supplement I co-created. AndFocus is not just for people with ADHD. Our formula works as if it’s tuning a high-performance engine. L-Tyrosine supports dopamine production to sharpen your mental edge, while Bacopa Extract helps quiet the internal noise so you can stay calm, alert, and fully present. Its focus that feels awake, not wired. Use code IOAA20 for a discount!

A Hot Beverage: This might seem like a silly suggestion, but I find that having something I can hold in my hand and slowly sip calms me down. I’m not a coffee drinker, but I love a matcha latte with black sesame (if in LA, get one from Suá) or miso broth always hits the spot. But find your kryptonite that will support your emotional state.

Physical Activity: I work out when I need to clear my head or step away from something that has me on edge. Endorphins are magical, and engaging in something active can be truly healing.

***Try even walking with Bala Bangles or an at-home workout, such as Pilates by Amanda.

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