Mirror Work: Why Saying ‘Shift Your Mindset’ Is So Annoying

But also so necessary

Mirror Work are reflections or prompts on what the mirror taught me this week — confidence, shame, surprise, or just neutrality. The mirror scares the shit out of me. So think of it as character building and seeing myself without the performance.

I wouldn’t call myself a pessimist, but I wouldn’t call myself an optimist either. Over the years, I’ve realized that whatever I was, it wasn’t working.

That said, the constant chorus of influencers, uncredentialed motivational speakers, and random internet voices telling me to “shift your mindset” is exhausting. “Shift your mindset to be successful.” “Shift your mindset to manifest.” “Shift your mindset to…” At this point, it’s one of the most irritating phrases in the online self-help world, rivaled by “I manifested it.”

Over the past year, though, I’ve been actively working to shift my mindset. I don’t say that hypocritically. I still find the phrase aggravating because mindset shifts aren’t easy. Rewiring how you think to build confidence or excel at your job is genuinely hard, and the way it’s usually framed ignores most people’s real circumstances.

I’m very ambitious, but I also consider myself self-aware and practical. I know how to dream, and I understand that nothing simply falls into your lap. That’s why talk of mindset shifts and manifestation often bothers me. They’re frequently offered as catch-all advice by people with privilege—and while I recognize that I am privileged, I’m not in the business of handing out oversimplified guidance. Too often, techniques are reduced to “just do the work,” even though, without access to resources, therapy, or trusted support, these changes can take years to meaningfully implement.

My mindset shift centers on my body, my business, and my belief in myself. Becoming a mother fundamentally changed how I think and function and honestly, it was long overdue. When I was postpartum and began easing back into work, I realized my role as a freelance beauty and wellness editor, consultant, and copywriter felt oversaturated and increasingly taken advantage of. The rise of AI can make creative work feel disposable, even though it lacks the human touch that gives it meaning.

Then there’s my company, And Repeat, the business my husband and I built from the ground up, which needs capital to truly thrive. We have momentum, and as we begin fundraising, I’ve had to consciously shift my mindset because I know how deeply that process can shake your sense of self-worth. And I’m not going to let it.

Before And Repeat launched into the world, we tried to raise money and it was really hard. We heard what felt like a million nos. So I know how much intensity and mental bandwidth it takes to really help an investor understand why Ben, And Repeat, and I are worth investing in. That understanding took almost four years and I’m certain this round of pitching will look entirely different. We deserve the chance to bring And Repeat to the next level, supporting mental clarity without the constant demand to optimize, biohack, or become some endlessly improved version of ourselves.

And then there’s my body. Shifting my mindset toward liking myself is still very much a work in progress. I won’t lie. Losing weight helped a lot. But I don’t want that to be the whole story. I try to hold onto what my body has given me, even as I feel a real distance from its physicality. So I’m learning to speak to myself more deliberately, to name the things I see and like without letting it spiral into I should do more, lose more, look better in those pants, or look as good as someone else just to feel worthy.

This isn’t meant to deter you from shifting your mindset, or to preach about it, but to acknowledge that this focus requires support and clarity, and that is a learned skill. And in the interest of not sounding like a motivational speaker à la Mel Robbins or Gabby Bernstein (which I am neither nor aspire to be), it’s worth saying: this process can feel shitty. The timeline looks different for everyone. Shifting your mindset is deeply frustrating. Progress is rarely obvious; it’s messy, uneven, and annoyingly normal.

Collected Distractions

A brain dump of what’s holding my attention (and worth yours).

On Being the Age I Once Couldn't Imagine: I recently reconnected with my friend Beth Risley, who also happened to launch a Substack a few weeks ago, one worth subscribing to. This post was a standout for me. She writes with real clarity about reconciling who she imagined she’d be at 39 with who she actually is now. Even if it’s not the full story, most of us carry some version of who we think we’re meant to become. And sometimes, letting that vision shift or even fall away is what makes room for a life you genuinely enjoy.

Contest Culture and 00's NYC Nightlife Allowed Epstein to Happen: This one was a tough read, but an important one. I love Carrie Crecca Maitoza’s writing and here she explains how the pervasive “contest culture”—I know this well as I entered a modeling contest once—where teens were encouraged to believe they could be chosen for fame and success, trained young girls to seek validation and approval from powerful adults. Through personal anecdotes about parties, clubs, and the pressures of the modeling industry, Carrie argues that this mindset laid the groundwork for exploitation.

Speaking of modeling, anxiously awaiting the America’s Next Top Model documentary on Netflix. I don’t care if it favors Tyra’s POV, I just want more ANTM.

Therapeutic Add-Ons

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